Friday, November 21, 2008

Text Messages

*Names are withheld to protect the innocent.

Just a sample of texts received this morning.

Random Athlete/Player:
Hey mate hamstrings feel great after rub u might b right i do have a few more years left in me! Enjoy carb intake day. C u in d morning.

My Response:
U should tell that stupid c*nt 'Other Random Athlete/Player'...if he wasn't as thick as pig shit he'd b getting those pathetic wheels of his worked on a bit every few days.

Random Athlete/Player:
He's a fag who does not like pain. I love pain!


These ones were two of my favourites this morning though:

Other Random Athlete/Player/Coach:
My arms are fucked, worse than yesterday.


Yet Another Random Athlete/Player:
I think I may be paralysed. I actually physically fell into d shitter dis morning. Had 2 get my Ma 2 pull me out. Stupid squats.


My Response:
Pull yourself together u pathetic baby b4 I have 2 ring ur mother 2 c if she noticed whether ur balls had dropped when she was pulling u out of d toilet!


It is the fantastic feedback I receive daily from the players, athletes and coaches with whom I work that really make my job worth doing.

Just this second got an important text update:

Update: my are still fucked and are killing me, I actually cannot function!

2 comments:

lylemcd said...

Damn, Will this is getting bad. now you're making up false text messages from your imaginary athletes.

What will Anonymous think?

Will Heffernan said...

When he calls me out...you now will have the proof...hope you'll have my back!